Finding and Not Seeking

This saga is coming to a close.... (I swear it was 2020 just yesterday)

In 3 months, I will have reached a new milestone in my life. 

Not a small one, nor an easy one to face.

Yes, it may be sad that I will part ways from the friends I currently know, but we made memories. Unremarkable memories like hanging out at cafes or holding jam sessions in my basement. And memories are ceaseless. 

Recently after reading Siddartha, I realized how much I needed such radiant light in my eyes. I told myself that I would compose rock ballads (because I'm concerningly obsessed with them) in college, in hopes of being featured in a drama or movie in the future. However, I feel like my progress has been way slower than I'd like, maybe more like I basically haven't done anything. 

I check my schedule and I'm like,"Oh man, I'm so packed today, how bout' we try this tomorrow instead?"

Well that would be fine, except this "tomorrow" I'm talking about becomes the next "today".

"Oh man, I'm so packed today, how bout' we try this tomorrow instead?"

Delay after delay after delay and I barely notice that seven months have gone by without even a single drop of progress. 

Oh and if you're wondering what happened to the break or snow days.... Yeah, let's not get there please. (It's sensitive information relating to waking up at 4 p.m. every day)

Just as Siddartha states," When someone seeks, then it easily happens that his eyes see only the thing that he seeks, and he is able to find nothing, to take in nothing because he always thinks only about the thing he is seeking, because he has one goal, because he is obsessed with his goal. Seeking means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal.”

I think I'm definitely seeking right now because the goal is there. Check. The execution? Not so much.

Now that I put more thought into it, this second semester is a great time to "find" (Unless my procastination sabotages me). I finally have time to experiment, learn, explore, and maybe the answer shall come forth to me. 

(I'm sorry if I sound like a philosopher but this needs to be said)

My obsession might be terminal but the journey I will take may be fruitful.

If Movie A or Drama B sells out in 203X, you'll know who composed the music for it. I really hope you'll know. I really do.

The future is bright, and hopefully I don't end up crying beside the river some day.